The Thunderbolt

I started out to write a blog post last night and I ended up writing a song instead. 

Well…  the lyrics anyway. I have some melodic fragments floating around in my head but nothing is sticking together yet. 

I was going to write a blog post about my current relationship status, or rather, lack thereof. 

Recap:

I’ve been married twice but only really in love once, and not with either of my husbands.

That relationship ended last summer and I’ve been in a hurry, it seems, to replace it. I was in a hurry because there’s no other feeling in the world like being in love. It’s addictive. I wanted more. 

But lately, I’m not in such a big hurry. I’ve slowed down some.

Some. It’s not like I have all the time in the world, you know. I’m middle-aged.

I’m learning a lot.

I’m learning that I love the attention of the opposite sex. I love it.  But I’ve also learned that unless that incredible chemistry - that ‘thunderbolt’ as someone once called it - unless there’s that, I’m not willing to settle in for the duration.

For many reasons.

I’ve learned that it’s really difficult, at this age…  middle age…  to be in a committed relationship.

It’s not the same at this age as it was in our twenties or thirties. At this age we come with children - sometimes grandchildren. We come with houses and mortgages and debt and careers and well-formed opinions. 

At this age we’re not hoping to find someone to start a family with. We’re wondering if our families can blend. We’re tentative about introducing someone new - someone who may or may not work out in the long term…  whatever ‘long term’ might mean.

At this age we know what we like and what we don’t like and perhaps we’re not so flexible in our ability to compromise as we once were. 

Unless…

Looking back, I am amazed at what I was willing to accept because underneath it all, there was that chemistry. Undeniable, head over heels love. 

Without that love, you can have all the quirks and idiosyncrasies you want, and I will applaud you for being unique and confident, but then I’ll send you on your merry way. Or maybe you’ll send me on mine. Because it’s not love and we’re not going to settle for less.

The nice thing, is that at our age, we’re both okay with that. 

You can follow me on Twitter:  @CeceliaHalbert