The Thunderbolt

I started out to write a blog post last night and I ended up writing a song instead. 

Well…  the lyrics anyway. I have some melodic fragments floating around in my head but nothing is sticking together yet. 

I was going to write a blog post about my current relationship status, or rather, lack thereof. 

Recap:

I’ve been married twice but only really in love once, and not with either of my husbands.

That relationship ended last summer and I’ve been in a hurry, it seems, to replace it. I was in a hurry because there’s no other feeling in the world like being in love. It’s addictive. I wanted more. 

But lately, I’m not in such a big hurry. I’ve slowed down some.

Some. It’s not like I have all the time in the world, you know. I’m middle-aged.

I’m learning a lot.

I’m learning that I love the attention of the opposite sex. I love it.  But I’ve also learned that unless that incredible chemistry - that ‘thunderbolt’ as someone once called it - unless there’s that, I’m not willing to settle in for the duration.

For many reasons.

I’ve learned that it’s really difficult, at this age…  middle age…  to be in a committed relationship.

It’s not the same at this age as it was in our twenties or thirties. At this age we come with children - sometimes grandchildren. We come with houses and mortgages and debt and careers and well-formed opinions. 

At this age we’re not hoping to find someone to start a family with. We’re wondering if our families can blend. We’re tentative about introducing someone new - someone who may or may not work out in the long term…  whatever ‘long term’ might mean.

At this age we know what we like and what we don’t like and perhaps we’re not so flexible in our ability to compromise as we once were. 

Unless…

Looking back, I am amazed at what I was willing to accept because underneath it all, there was that chemistry. Undeniable, head over heels love. 

Without that love, you can have all the quirks and idiosyncrasies you want, and I will applaud you for being unique and confident, but then I’ll send you on your merry way. Or maybe you’ll send me on mine. Because it’s not love and we’re not going to settle for less.

The nice thing, is that at our age, we’re both okay with that. 

You can follow me on Twitter:  @CeceliaHalbert

Christmas Eve, 2013

It’s the morning before Christmas.

Here at my computer I sit -

Fingers poised over the keyboard

Waiting for inspiration to hit.

I looked back at the poem

I wrote for last year

And remembered how money

Or lack of, was my biggest fear.

I had hoped that my children

Would feel as I did

And value love and tradition

Despite my financial skid.

And as Christmases go,

We had joy unsurpassed.

The new year looked brighter

Than in our recent past.

But the brightness soon faded

A dark cloud moved in

One trial after another.

We just couldn’t win.

So this Christmas Eve morning

My perspective has shifted.

We’ll hold tight to each other

Until that damned cloud is lifted.

This year the presents are many

Under our undecorated tree, but

We haven’t had time

For the usual frivolity.

But I’m counting my blessings           

Because this year, you see,

Though it might not have been so,
All my children are with me.

Merry Christmas, friends. 

You can follow me on Twitter: @CeceliaHalbert

On Writing

I haven't written anything but blog posts for a long time.

I was halfway through the sequel to Up the Hill when the plans for the second half went up in smoke. Not knowing where to go with it, I put it on the back burner.

While it was back there simmering, I pulled Up the Hill out of publication for editing, but life events got in the way and I haven't gotten back to that either.

And then the other day I came across this:

Before last summer, I didn't even know who Joss Whedon was. I'm not a big fan of action movies or vampires. But then I was listening to NPR one day and heard an interview with someone talking about Shakespeare in such an accessible and enlightening way that I sat in my car in my garage for a half hour because I couldn't stop listening until the interview was over. It was Joss Whedon.

Adding to his credibility, I learned he'd written the screenplay for Toy Story - one of my favorite movies of all time.  I looked him up on IMDb and my, what an immpressive list of credits he has to his name. I went to see his film adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing. I loved it. I'm now one of Joss Whedon's biggest fans.

So anyway...

I saw this quote and remembered why I write.

And as painful as it was, I opened up the manuscript to Up the Hill and started reading and editing and bringing those characters back to life and facing all those things I'm afraid of exploring.

Because that is why I write and that is where I find strength. Thanks for putting it so eloquently, Joss.


You can follow me on Twitter: @CeceliaHalbert

Driving Lessons (or dating lessons... whichever)

The following are some recent observations about driving habits of others. It occurred to me (after a bottle of pinot noir - NOT while driving) that the same observations could be made about the dating habits of others. 

You should turn your lights on when the sun goes down, or when driving in dense fog, or when precipitation has caused you to turn on your windshield wipers. When it’s difficult to see the road ahead of you or when others have difficulty seeing you, any extra illumination you have at your disposal is helpful.

If, however, you’re driving a big SUV and the person in front of you is driving a little sedan, then please back off because your headlights look like ET’s ship is coming in for a landing in their backseat. It’s intimidating. Take a breath and back up just a little bit.

The left lane is for passing only. Get out of the left lane unless you mean to pass someone. If you don’t intend to make a move, then get out of the way.  The rest of us get in the left lane because time’s running out and we have somewhere to go.

That being said, there are also times when you have to have some patience. If the person in the car that’s stopped in front of you in the parking lot is waiting for spot soon to be vacated by the person who just got into their car, please don’t be obnoxious and start honking your horn. They’ll move soon enough. That's not going to help anything. Some people don’t move as quickly as others and sometimes you have to be patient.

Conversely, when waiting to make a left turn and there’s no car in front of you, then pull into the intersection! What are you waiting for there behind the crosswalk? For the love of God, the light is green! It’s okay. It’s legal. You can pull into the intersection. You don’t have to wait for the guy behind you to start honking his horn. C’mon, honey. Time’s a-wastin’.

Get off your phone. No. Seriously. Get off your phone because the second you answered it your speed slowed by twenty miles an hour and you’re still in the left lane and not only that, you also didn’t notice how beautiful the sunset was on the lake you just drove by. The lady in the car next to you just shook her head and left you in the dust.

Lastly, you can see a lot in the rearview mirror, but if you want to keep going, you have to spend the majority of your time looking at what's in front of you right now.

You can follow me on Twitter: @CeceliaHalbert