Thank God It's Friday

I’m at a loss.

I have been writing a weekly blog post, typically on Thursdays, but today on Friday, for almost a year now and have never been at a loss for a topic. This morning I sit at my desk and for the life of me can’t think of anything to say.

Okay, that’s not entirely true.

I can think of lots to say. It’s been a hell of a week. But who wants to read a whiny blog? Certainly not me. Maybe I could spin the hell into something funny. Let me think about that. Caution: if you don’t want to read my whining, stop here.

Hell, Part One: “Money”

As you know, I’m a teacher. As you also know, I started a new job this fall in a new school. I’ve been working now since August 12. Know when my first paycheck is? September 15. Funny thing - my employers still expect me to put gas in my car in order to get to work even though they haven’t paid me. Ha ha ha. They’re funny. They also wanted me to order transcripts from every university I attended. $68 worth of transcripts. I went to school way too much. Oh. They also wanted me to get a physical but they don’t give me insurance. $212 for the physical. 

Do these people not understand that I have a wine budget that I’m now having to tap into in order to have this job? Apparently not. This is why I work 12-16 hours on the weekend serving wine so I can take home the leftovers. And some money.

Hell, Part Two: “Ex-husband and also…. money”

I really have to hand it to my ex-husband, who is a very nice person. He really is. Every once in a while when I question my decision to divorce him, he provides a crystal clear reminder of why I did. Take this week, for instance. After spending nearly 2K of my part-time wine gig money to get our children registered and supplied for school, he sent me a text saying he’d spent a hundred dollars (from his 6-figure engineering salary) on some extra school supplies that they needed and that he would be deducting that from child support since I’m responsible for school expenses according to our joint parenting agreement. He’s so thoughtful!! I could tell you how much he pays for child support, but that would be in poor taste - ‘poor’ being the keyword. 

Thanks, honey. Now I remember why I don’t live with you anymore.

Hell, Part Three: “Cancer”

Wow. It’s tough to funny that one up. I’m seven years cancer free this summer but my routine physical turned up something suspicious, so I get to go in for a biopsy. But not until Monday because I need some time to lose sleep over the prospect of doing that whole cancer treatment thing again. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” says the doctor, trying to ease my anxiety. She’s pretty funny. Hey, doc, how about some Xanax or something because that “I’m sure it’s nothing” is not really working for me. I’m not worried though. Really.  I’m sure it’s nothing.

Hell, Part Four: “I’ve been found out.”

I’m a teacher (see Hell, Part One). I mold the minds of impressionable youth. I’ve been doing this for 32 years. I love my job. I love teaching. 

I also love writing and my brain, when not at work, sometimes creates not-so-appropriate-for-the-under-eighteen crowd fiction. So I write under a pseudonym. This week some clever people at work found out about the book I wrote that is now officially unpublished. Those clever people are probably reading this now. “Hi, clever people!” I wave. 

If Alexander Payne would just buy the movie rights for the book, I could quit my job and move far far away. 

BUT - it’s Friday and things cannot possibly get any worse until next week at the earliest. Also, I do have wine to drink this weekend even if it’s another week until I get paid. 

Cheers!