Curb Appeal

“I guess I shouldn’t choose a wine because I like the label,” I said to my somewhat famous friend who knows a LOT more about wine than I do.

“Actually, you should,” he said. “If you like the label, odds are that a lot of money was spent on its design, and if a lot of money was invested in the design, there’s money in the vineyard, and if there’s money in the vineyard, you’re most likely going to get a decent glass of wine.”

“Huh. I never thought of that.”

“It’s usually true. Not always, but usually. If you have nothing else to go on, pick the one with the label you like.”

           In trying to build a network of like-minded colleagues, authors, and would-be readers, I spend a fair amount of time looking for interesting new people to follow, and all I have to go on most of the time is their label - their 140-character bio. If a label intrigues me, it’s because someone has invested time, thought, and creativity into their label and I’m likely to get a decent return on my follow.

Some bios will cause me immediately click ‘follow’ while others will result in me immediately clicking the little close-the-window-box. Some bios are in the lukewarm category and in that case I’ll read the last twenty or so tweets to make a final following decision.

            Some of the ‘don’t follow’ triggers are opening statements like these:

            Award-winning…  (I don’t care what you won and if it’s the first thing you’re going to tell me about you, your ego is probably too big. Humility is sexy.)

            Check out my…  (Can we get to know each other first before I check out your whatever it is you want me to check out?)

            Christian…  (I don’t mean to offend anyone, but if religion is what you consider the most important aspect of your bio, we’re probably not going to have much in common.)

            Gun-toting NRA Member and proud…  (See Ted Nugent. Not me.)

            I am drawn in by wit and brevity. Here are some actual bios that caused me to follow immediately (if yours is here - thanks!):

                                   A journalist, a writer, and a lousy fisherman... I used to be able to toss a caber - but last time I tried, not so much.

                    Model. Super funny. House in the Hamptons. Can bench 550 lbs. Size 15 shoe. Owns the kitchen. I just made this all up.

                    Reader. Writer. Cellulite Owner. Life Lover. Directionally Challenged. Curse Word Aficionado. (Not necessarily in that order.)

                    I married a fullblooded Italian. I tainted the bloodline.

                    Reader, beader, garden weeder. Illini fan. But that doesn't rhyme.

                    Wineblogger by night, otherwise, minion

                    runner, writer, procrastinator.

                    Novelist. Very easily distracted.

So now you know how to entice me, but to keep me reading, you’re going to have to keep being interesting. I’m a high-maintenance follower. Entertain me. Make me laugh. Make me think. If you wrote a book, your creative tweets will make me want to look for it. Be original and don't flood my feed with retweets. I want to know what you have to say. That's not to say that you shouldn't retweet at all, but forty in a row is a bit much, don't you think?

          And lastly - for God's sake, don't send me a direct message to tell me to check out your blog because I'll get all excited for nothing and if you fill my timeline with nothing but reviews or ‘buy my book’ or ‘check out my blah-blah-blah,’ I’ll go elsewhere because I’ll bet your book is as boring as your Twitter feed.