The Eye of the Beholder

You couldn’t drink her pretty.

Or maybe you could.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What if the beholder’s judgment is clouded by substances: legal, prescription, or otherwise?

Or… what if the beholder’s judgment is enhanced by them?

Yesterday the man I love and I agreed to split. Took a break. Broke up. Ended our relationship. At least for now. 

He told me that it’s possible that his judgment had been clouded, enhanced, or otherwise compromised by the pain medication he had been taking early in our relationship. He might as well have launched his fist into my gut because his words had the same effect. After nine months of non-medicated being together, he felt differently, and maybe it was the lack of meds?

That’s just what a girl wants to hear.

So last night I went out with a girlfriend. I’d had a few glasses of wine. The man on the barstool next to mine struck up a conversation - a very fun and friendly conversation. He’d had a few glasses of Zombie Dust.

He asked for my number.

I wonder if he remembers what I look like. I wonder if I remember what he looks like. I sort of do, but my judgment was clouded.

What will matter is, if and when we meet again, under less clouded conditions, we have the same fun interaction that we did last night. And if we do, then my guess is that the wine and the beer did more to facilitate the initial conversation and less to cloud our judgment and that the important thing is how the conversation progresses and how the relationship grows or doesn’t grow.

So, while the loss of love is still painful,  I’m letting that specific part of it go - the pain of thinking his love for me was a drug-induced delusion. It wasn’t the meds or lack of them. It was him. And me. And the combination thereof.

I’m pretty, whether you drink or not.


Addendum:
(because... yum.)

                   Visit me on Twitter (@CeceliaHalbert)