On Being the Oldest

I’m the oldest child. I’m the responsible one. Supposedly.

I’ve spent this week in new teacher orientation with about forty other new teachers in this district - most of them new graduates.  I’m the oldest new teacher. I look at all the bright shining faces and try to absorb some of their excitement, but I’ve heard it all before.  I know how to behave. I look dutifully interested.

I’m not that old, but I feel my seniority. Particularly when all those eager young teachers weren’t even born when I started my teaching career in 1982.

As I nod and smile I’m thinking about starting over. Not just in a new job, but in life.

While I sit and feign interest, I’m not thinking so much about the new job as I am thinking about being single - a term that hasn’t applied to me in forty years. I’m no longer married or otherwise attached.

It’s very strange. I thought I’d be starting over with the love of my life, but it didn’t work out that way.  These new teachers are starting from the beginning and I’m starting over.  I’m thinking about where they are and where I am but maybe we’re not so different.

They’re thinking about their new careers and I’m counting down the years I have left until I can retire. But we’re all thinking about the students we’ll meet next week and how we’ll love and nurture them and help them become the future of America.

They’re thinking about how to spend their first paychecks and I’m thinking mine’s already spent.

They’re thinking about the grown-up lives they’re about to lead.

So am I.

I’m thinking about the work I have to do being a loving parent and a loving teacher and I’m thinking a lot about the future, which isn’t as long as theirs, but holds the same opportunities.

Like maybe finding love again. That will take time. I still have time. Being in love is something to look forward to.

I’m thinking about the really good bottle of pinot noir I’m going to drink tonight.

 

If there’s one thing I know that they might not, it’s that nothing is as important as love.

And a really good glass of wine.               

                   Visit me on Twitter (@CeceliaHalbert)