Everyone Loves Sheldon: A Cautionary Tale

I am the parent of an eleven-year-old boy with Asperger’s Syndrome (diagnosed).

I am the ex-wife of a man with Asperger’s Syndrome (undiagnosed).  

Therein lies a dichotomy.

Enter Sheldon as my point of reference.

You know who I’m talking about, right? When I typed ‘Sheldon’ into the Google box, the first five results were about Jim Parson’s character on The Big Bang Theory.  This is Sheldon:

The co-creator of the sitcom, Bill Prady, says he didn’t have any particular disorder in mind when he developed Sheldon. This leads me to believe Bill Prady may have Asperger’s, but that’s neither here nor there.

By the way - Sheldon has a last name. It’s Cooper. I didn’t know that until I Googled him. Sheldon is identifiable enough by his first name alone. Everyone loves Sheldon. There are Facebook and Pinterest pages that say so. Despite his non-existent social skills and complete lack of empathy, there’s something sweet and childlike about Sheldon that endears him to us.

We all love Sheldon, but you have to remember that we get Sheldon in half hour doses, interrupted frequently with commercial breaks.

I found a real-life Sheldon. His intellect fascinated me. His childlikeness sparked some warped motherly instinct that made me want to take care of him. I thought his inability to understand humor and sarcasm was cute. He learned romance from movies and copied it. I thought it was adorable.

So I married Sheldon.

We had a son - Sheldon, Jr.

And then, after ten years with few, if any, commercial breaks, I realized I didn’t really love Sheldon and that was painful. I felt guilty. I still feel guilty, but that’s beside the point.

When I asked for a divorce, Sheldon wondered if I would eventually abandon our son because he also has Asperger’s. This question alone is indicative of Sheldon’s inability to understand relationships. Parental love is vastly different than romantic love.

My role as my son’s mother is to prepare him for life. One day I will send him out into the world and I have no doubt that he will struggle more than most, but he’ll make it. He’s smart. He’s funny. People like him. I’ll help him when he needs it, but because I love him, I will push him out of the nest eventually.

It turns out that I pushed my husband out of the nest first. (Metaphorically speaking of course. I actually left him alone in the nest.) I was alone and isolated in my marriage. Communication only flowed one way. The same qualities about Sheldon that I had found adorable became unbearable and I couldn’t fathom living the rest of my life in that situation.

So here I am, cautioning you against falling in love with Sheldon - even if he’s my son. Especially if you’re Penny. Sheldon and Penny would never last. Sorry.

If you’re Amy, however, it might work out.

Visit me on Twitter (@CeceliaHalbert)