Relationship Status

As of this writing, I am fifty-two years old. The man with whom I am in love is sixty-five. We have grown children. He has grandchildren. We currently maintain separate residences since I still have two teenagers at home. We are a couple.

Groucho Marx with imaginary cigar voice-over: “A couple of whats, I don’t know.”

According to the dictionary definition, he is my ‘boyfriend,’ but we struggle somewhat with introducing each other to our respective friends and acquaintances because saying “this is my boyfriend/girlfriend,” sounds juvenile to our aging sensibilities.

“Lady-friend” is icky and makes me sound decrepit. I don’t like that either and furthermore, there is no male equivalent. 

“Man-friend?” No. 

"Gentleman-friend?" Ewww.   NO.

My honey. My sweetheart. My love-bunny....   would you introduce anyone like that? I don't think so.

Not that I’m about to post our relationship status on Facebook (reference earlier ‘juvenile’ statement), but these are the levels of involvement Facebook offers: 

We are, by legal definition, single. We are in a relationship with one another. I am divorced. He is widowed. It IS complicated. None of these descriptors are helpful. 

I would like to propose the following levels of in-a-relationship status:

1) We are dating.

2) We are dating exclusively.

3) We are dating exclusively and have professed love for one another.

4) We have introduced each other to our families. 

5) We feel comfortable riding in the car for long distances without maintaining artificial conversation.

6) We have toothbrushes and other various toiletries in each other’s bathrooms.

7) We don’t die of embarrassment if we fart in each other’s presence. 

8) We have clothing in each other’s closets.

9) We have vaguely discussed future plans for a more permanent commitment without actually committing to said plans.
   9.5) We are each other's emergency contacts.

10) We’re making plans to move in together and have discussed finances.

11) We live together.

12) We are engaged. (This is my fiancé(e).)

13) We are married. (This is my husband/wife.) Interesting that this is number 13 on the list, isn’t it?

If this were to become a universal adopted and accepted list, we could introduce each other this way: 

“I'd like you to meet my level seven.”

So I'm putting this out there and we'll see if it catches on.

Until then, I guess he’ll just be my boyfriend unless someone has a better suggestion.

UPDATE 11/7/2014:
I have added a level 9.5: We are each other's emergency contacts. 
We are currently at level 9.5 in case anyone's keeping track of the progress. 

You can follow me on Twitter: @CeceliaHalbert